I have been meaning to write this up, and your email yesterday about sending you stories lit a fire in my behind.
Attached is a picture of my new tattoo. This has been in the works since the last time we saw you. Do you remember making me sing while you dug up underneath my right pec? When I stopped singing, and the work was done, you whispered “I think we found Susan” and I am telling you that was a hugely profound moment for me.
Since then I have been on a roller coaster of finding myself. I had no idea I had lost myself, nor that I needed to be found. But I did….and I have been doing it ever since. Big scary changes have come into my life since then – nothing will ever be the same – but change is what I needed.
The tattoo is first and foremost an homage to the TV show the X-Files (come one we have to have priorities) – Scully got an Ourobouros tattoo in one of my favorite episodes and I have wanted one for a while. But the Ourobouros is also fitting because of the symbolism of rebirth – old into the new – life and death combined. I didn’t want a traditional Ouroborous so I found a piece of art from a fantasy artist and this was a Sea Serpent coiled around a mermaid. I loved him, so he became the basis for my Ourobrous. I also have the words “I’m Here” on either side right about at that spot you were working one where we “found” me. The meaning is pretty obvious – I’M Here and always have been and I just have to stay here and not retreat.
BTW – “I’m Here” are also the first words Mulder spoke to Scully in the first episode of the reboot and when it happened on screen I sobbed like a baby because I am that big an X-Files nerd.
I am beginning to do some Be Activated work on clients. For a long time, I didn’t think I was good enough to do it and so I sent everyone to Marc. Unfortunately, he has a very heavy hand and so most people aren’t comfortable letting him work on them and they are coming to me. I’m working with an older guy who is ex-military and VERY shut down and he actually came to me and asked if I could work on him. That was huge and since then we are working hard to get him back to being able to squat. I also started working with a kid in the army now who is at a point in his life where all the shitty stuff he has had to do in the military is processing…we had a really amazing first session and he started to see that the work could help him process through the feelings he is facing.
Finding myself means I can help more people. It means I am more solid in who I am and can be solid for other people. I have been taking a whopping dose of my own medicine recently and truly learning that I am enough and living into that.
Thank you for all that you do, all that you have taught us, for your friendship, and for helping me find myself again,