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You dont know what you dont know!
That phrase has become one of those I try to live my life by.
I have had a period of my life where I thought I was getting depressed, insane or worse.
No matter what I did, it was just like I could not be happy, at least not all the way down in the stomach.
I could cry over spilled milk, and get a stomach ache over having to do things I know I love. It was hard and my head was about to explode with thoughts.
The experience I share with you today always gives me goosebumps and tears in my eyes when I tell it.
It made me feel like Maja again.
That was the moment when I was helped to release my breathing.
I only think there were very few who knew I was feeling bad. I was always smiling and being happy - at least on the outside.
I had tried everything possible to turn the tide but without much success.
The scary thing was that the only thing needed to create change was for someone to read my facades and call my bullshit.
I was on a course in the treatment technique Be Activated, which I already loved back then.
The teacher Douglas Heel is one of the most inspiring people I have ever met and I always felt seen in his presence
And there was a reason for that.
He had read me.
Not that he knew everything about my life and what I was doing, but he had read my compensations and my facades.
We had been through a whole day of amazing learning and my body already felt lifted.
But then we were going to test the Vision field
- that is, how our strength in the body is affected depending on where we look.
I had no idea what it was and yet, I just knew that it was me who would be called up as a test person.
It ran cold down my spine, and in a way, I most wanted to run away.
He tested my strength as a starting point and asked me to move my eyes to the right. There was no difference.
There was no difference on the left either.
But when he asked me to look straight at a point far away, 50% of my strength disappeared in a split second.
I thought yes yes, I'm also myopic ...
But it had nothing at all to do with my vision.
Everything I looked at straight ahead, no matter the distance, made me weak.
I was a little shaken but thought it would probably be good.
Then something happened that changed my life.
He asked 10 people to line up in front of me, also they started moving up and down while waving their arms.
It totally short-circuited me and I almost had an anxiety attack.
All strength disappeared and I could barely stand.
I felt safe because space had been created to be vulnerable, but I was downright piss scared.
Here at the time of writing, my heart is pumping loose and tears are pressing.
Douglas asked if I was ready to make the change?
And of course I was, this was unbearable ...
He hacked into my system using the activation points for my breathing.
I thought for a moment I was going to die.
And then - JUST there my world changed.
All that shit that had been stuck in my system and blocked my breathing let go.
I was shaking
I was sweating
I was freezing
There was 5 min where I could not move, apart from the tremors I could in no way control.
And all of a sudden everything became quiet in my head and I could see.
The room looked different and the people looked different, but in fact it was just me who looked different.
Looked different through my eyes.
I saw them for the first time, from a place where I myself was in balance.
A place where my body felt strong and secure.
A place where I did NOT spend all my energy controlling and predicting what might happen.
I was just in the moment...
I saw the people who were in the room and I felt all the positive energy they sent to me.
I have never felt so safe in the whole world, even though the tears rolled and the body shook.
Right there, I realized that all the strength I need in life is hidden within me.
And if there are situations where I can not feel the strength, then I can find it again.
That learning was important to me.
It gave me back the responsibility for my own life.
I can choose and prioritize that I am more important than anything else.
If I tolerate too much, then I know I will end up in the same place.
But I also know it's not going to happen.
For now I'm breathing